hope (or lack thereof)
by Prince Adam
Summary: Ben should've known the King would never love anyone like him.


**Trigger warnings within for minor character death and implied suicide.**

 **I don't own Fable or Lionhead Studios ... and I definitely don't own Microsoft. Sorry to disappoint.**

* * *

It had been a long time since Major Finn had had time to stop, breathe, relax. He had been far too preoccupied with military business and the rebuilding of Albion for far too long.

It was midday, and a flushed heat had been spreading across the courtyard all day. He and the King sat out by the fountain, loosely dressed, bodies too close for Ben to stand. The children, his James and the King's twins, were playfighting, giggling and rolling about in a sweaty heap in the grass.

Ben felt the sweat around his neck and armpits and, being unsure whether it was down to the heat or sheer nerves, let out a breath. 'It's been a while since it's been this hot,' he murmured. He didn't even know what to _say_. Why was it so awkward? It had been ten years.

 _Ten years_. The King had grown a beard in that time, smooth and sharp, his hair grown shoulder-length and wavy to the point where there were curls starting to form. Walter was his oldest, born not too long after the defeat of the darkness to a woman he had once loved. Logan, three minutes younger than his twin, was the gentle one, who hung around his father like a puppy.

Ben loved them.

'It has,' agreed the King. He pursed his lips, looked over at Ben, then hurriedly turned his head to face the boys, who seemed to have ceased their playfighting and traded their swords for fingers as Logan and James pounced on Walter, tickling him. 'You don't think I made a mistake, naming him Logan?'

Ben snorted. 'Not at all,' he replied. 'You can honour your brother any way you want. Anyway, even if you _did_ , it's a little too late to change it now.'

The King, with a sudden spur of boldness that he thought he'd lost forever, placed his hand on top of the major's. 'I wish I could've stopped him, Ben. I was just too late, by mere seconds.'

'Yeah,' he replied mournfully, 'you were. But you tried, Avo, you did. That's all that matters.'

'I hope he knew I loved him. He was my _brother_.'

'Of course he did,' said Ben firmly. 'But sometimes … when a person gets it in their head that they're not good enough, there's not a single force in the whole of Albion that can change their mind.'

'How's Jammy doing?' he asked softly.

'Uh, well …' Ben moved his hand and shoved them both deep into his pockets. 'As good as can be expected, I guess. Thank you for this, by the way. It's a good way to get his mind off everything.'

'But not you?'

'I mean, I didn't—'

'No?' questioned the King. 'Then why—?'

'It was just a, you know … and she was pregnant, so …' Ben coughed awkwardly. 'I was thinking about someone else the whole time.'

The King whistled lowly. 'For … what, six, seven years? You're not serious?'

'I'm serious. I just couldn't stop thinking about him.'

'Him?'

Ben flushed. 'Oh, uh, yeah. Him,' he stammered out, hoping he wasn't questioned any further.

'Do you still think about him?'

'Well, uh, yeah, but I guess I have more important things on my mind.'

The King nodded. 'I know how you feel. There was someone special once. But then there was the whole thing with the darkness, and the twins. I just had to push him to the back of my mind. When you've got kids, your whole outlook on life changes.'

'Hmm,' agreed Ben. 'It really does.' His stomach was flipping, not with nerves but with utter heartbreak. He should've known, he supposed.

It was never going to be him.

 _You should've known better than to hope, Ben Finn._

'You should stay the night,' suggested the King. 'It's a long way back to Mourningwood Fort; poor Jim'll be exhausted, and there's the balverines and hollow men to think about. The path's dangerous at night.'

'I'm a soldier, your majesty,' replied Ben with a smirk. 'I can handle myself. Don't worry mate, I don't need you to be my Hero in shining armour.'

'Still, at least consider staying the night. I have a pair of the twins' old pyjamas Jammy can wear.'

'Why are you keeping _those_? Jammy's six, surely they don't fit Walt or Logan anymore.'

'The people are expecting me to remarry and probably provide a few more children. Hobson suggested I keep the twins' old clothes; if anything, I could donate them to the orphanage.'

'Hobson?' questioned Ben. 'Isn't the old bastard dead yet?'

The King chuckled. 'Only just. Kicked the bucket last week.'

'About time,' murmured Ben. 'So I take it your heart's still taken by your mysterious love for you to even consider marriage?'

'And I take it yours is too taken by _your_ mysterious love for you to grieve for your wife?'

Ben considered, just for a moment, asking who it was the King loved, but bit his tongue at the last moment.

 _You know better than to hope, Ben Finn._

'Look, I'm sorry to cut this meeting short, but I think Jim and I had better be heading back,' Ben burst out hurriedly. 'Thank you for everything, but—'

'I understand,' interrupted the King. He smiled. 'It's been ten years. Things are not going to come as easily as they used to. I'm glad to have spent the day with you.'

Ben let the children say their goodbyes; in his heart he was unsure of whether they would meet again. He didn't think he could handle such a trip again. It had been both humiliating and heart-wrenching to know that everything he ever wanted was directly in front of him and yet utterly untouchable.

James slept in his arms on their way back, curtains shut so that nobody could see inside and look upon the devastating sight of a man, knowing all hope was lost, sobbing openly without a care for who might hear, for he had lost the very person whom he had loved since the day they first met.

 _You should've known better than to hope, Ben Finn._


End file.
